Iris
by Deadalive15
Summary: Right after Wilson's Heart Kutner and Thirteen discover some...inexplicable feelings. Not fluff.
1. Chapter 1

This is my first attempt at a multi-chapter Thutner fic. Please let me know what you think

Disclaimer: Don't own House :(

* * *

_Iris_

Part 1

Chapter 1: _And I'd give up forever to touch you_

"Hold the elevator!" Kutner called, running through the lobby of Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital.

He was running late due to the fact that he'd been up most of the night mindlessly watching television and trying to forget everything that had happened in the past three days.

To his relief, someone stuck their hand in the elevator door to stop it from closing. He couldn't tell who it was until he was in the elevator.

"Thanks," he said, stepping quickly into the elevator.

The person nodded silently.

Kutner looked over. It was his colleague, Thirteen, or whatever her real name was. Kutner thought back. Cuddy had used it three days ago, Hadley, or something to that effect.

She looked different today though. From the bags under her eyes, Kutner guessed the she hadn't slept at all that night, which, given the fact that they'd just pulled two all-nighters in a row, was a little bit concerning.

"You okay?" Kutner asked.

Thirteen nodded and gave him a fake smile that reminded him of the time she'd killed a patient, and then the next patient had allegedly seen and spoken to the patient that she killed.

This confirmed Kutner's suspicions that she was not okay. Something was in fact, very wrong inside her head. Kutner could only assume it was Amber's death. It had affected her the most, which Kutner hadn't really understood, seeing as how Thirteen and Amber had hated each other.

Kutner impulsively wanted to hug her and tell her things would go back to normal soon enough, that they would recover, and it would be okay, or at least to reach out and touch her arm, but this was Thirteen, she never needed anyone, she liked to deal with things on her own, so Kutner held himself back.

The elevator stopped and the doors slid open.

Thirteen took off down the hall, and Kutner followed, though he had to admit, there was something different about the way she carried herself. He just couldn't put his finger on it.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: _'Cause I know that you'd feel me somehow_

The conference room was empty, except for the two of them.

"So," Kutner said, trying to lift the awkwardness of the situation. "Have a nice night?"

"Not particularly," Thirteen answered shortly, and Kutner knew not to press for details.

"I didn't see you leave last night," Kutner said in what he hoped was a casual tone. It was true after all. Usually he saw everyone one his way out. Foreman and Taub had been walking right ahead of him the whole way to his car, like always. Usually Thirteen arrived at her car about the time Kutner was pulling out. She hadn't last night though. From what Kutner could see, she hadn't even left the hospital building yet.

"I left late," Thirteen said, and left it at that.

Kutner nodded, knowing now that her seemingly restless night had to do with, and was probably caused by, whatever it was that she was doing after everyone else had left, but he didn't asked for details. He knew he wouldn't get any if he did. He would just frustrate her, and that was the last thing he wanted.

He had, once again, the impulse reach out, put a hand on her shoulder, and tell her he was there for her. He knew it would make a difference, no matter how slight, but they really didn't know each other that well. He didn't even know if they could be considered friends. To her, he might just be some guy she worked with, so he decided against it, for fear of freaking her out.

Thirteen sat down at the table facing the board, and Kutner put his things on the chair across from that and went to lean against the counter where the coffee machine was. Finally, after a few minutes of standing there awkwardly while Thirteen sat silently, clearly enveloped in her own thoughts, Kutner decided to actually make coffee.

"You drink decaf, right?" Kutner asked as turned and opened the cabinets.

"What?" Thirteen asked, her head shooting up.

"You drink decaf?" Kutner repeated.

"Oh, yeah, I'll make it," she said, though she didn't move from her chair.

"Oh, okay," Kutner said, moving away from the machine.

"You'd better make yours first," she said, watching him. "House will want the coffee to be made when he gets here."

"Right," Kutner said quickly, going back to the machine.

Thirteen turned her attention back to her thought.


	3. Chapter 3

Sorry about the wait. I just keep forgetting to update.

Chapter 3: _You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be_

Kutner didn't know what it was about Thirteen. Something about her made him want to open up. Maybe it was because she wouldn't.

He felt comfortable around Thirteen. He felt like he wouldn't be judged, though he knew she was probably judging him with every word he said. He felt like he could say anything around her, even if she didn't say anything back.

He was to the point now where he would consider Thirteen a friend, even though he wasn't sure if she considered him one. He hadn't told anyone about his parents since he'd graduated high school and moved out, but he hadn't hesitated to tell her. He didn't quite know why.

It was a good feeling though, being able to tell someone everything and knowing they wouldn't tell anyone else. If there was one thing Thirteen was good at, it was keeping secrets. Maybe that was why it was. Kutner knew that Thirteen understood, that there were some things you just didn't want everyone to know about yourself.

That was why, sitting in the MRI room, Kutner was going on and on, not because he had anything to talk about. Mostly just because he preferred not to sit in silence, and Thirteen didn't seem up to a conversation right now.

He didn't think she was even listening today, so he was more talking to himself than anything. He didn't really care. Who wanted to just sit in silence, anyway?

It was times like these that Kutner loved, just sitting and talking. They'd had an interesting talk about a week ago while monitoring the sleep lab. That was when Kutner had learned that Thirteen was unhappy with her life. That was the most she'd ever let slip, and since then she'd been very careful what she told him.

"What?" she finally asked. "Sorry, I'm having trouble concentrating today."

"Maybe it's because you haven't slept for three days straight," Kutner suggested.

"No, that's not it," Thirteen sighed.

"So, you know what it is?" Kutner asked.

Thirteen nodded.

"And you're not going to do anything about it?" Kutner asked.

"Nothing I can do," Thirteen answered shortly.

Kutner, knowing any further questioning would be useless, shrugged and turned his attention to the MRI.


	4. Chapter 4

Sorry about the wait. I've been lazy lately

* * *

Chapter 4: _And I don't want to go home right now_

"Test everything you found in the home for contaminants," House called as he walk out the door.

"Guess we're pulling another all-nighter," Taub muttered.

"We should have listened to Foreman when he said to get out of here early," Kutner said.

The three of them headed to the lab and stopped in front of the large tub containing everything that had been brought back from the patient's house.

"Guess you're wishing you'd gotten some sleep last night," Kutner said to Thirteen once they were all testing and Taub had gone out for some coffee.

"If we get done before morning I might just go down to the sleep lab," Thirteen said. "I'm not even going to try to make it home."

"Can't," Kutner said. "They're using the sleep lab tonight."

"Every room?" Thirteen asked in surprise.

"The couch in the doctors' lounge is probably your best bet," Kutner answered.

They finished around five that morning.

"House won't be in for another four hours," Taub looked at his watch. "You guy going home?"

"Why?" Kutner asked. "If I stay here I'll get an hour of extra sleep."

"I'm too tired to drive," Thirteen said.

"Fine," Taub said. "I have to go. My wife will be wondering where I am."

He hurried down the hall to the stairs.

Wordlessly, Kutner and Thirteen went to the doctor's lounge. Kutner collapsed on one of the chairs while Thirteen took the couch.

Kutner probably wouldn't have missed more than a half an hour of sleep if he'd gone home. It wouldn't have been enough to keep him from going home if Thirteen hadn't been staying, but since she was, he might as well.

He couldn't help wondering about his motives, though. Was it just that he didn't want to stay here alone? Is that why if everyone else would've gone home he would have too? If that were the case, he would have also stayed if Thirteen had gone home and Taub had stayed, but would he have?

Thinking about it, he didn't think he would, but why? Taub was his friend, too. That meant the only reason he'd wanted to stay was because Thirteen was here, because he wanted to be around her, even if they were both asleep ten feet away from each other. He wondered what that meant.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5: _'Cause all I can taste is this moment_

Kutner jerked awake. He'd been about to roll of the side of his chair. He knew where he was right away, but it took him a minute to figure out how he'd gotten there. Then he remembered.

He looked over to the couch. Thirteen was still asleep. He checked the clock.

"Crap," he muttered. It was five to nine.

"Thirteen," he said loudly, hoping it would work so he wouldn't have to touch her. "Come on, get up."

It didn't work, but he had another idea. He grabbed the cushion she was using for a pillow and yanked it out from under her head.

"What—?" Thirteen began, shooting into a sitting position, her head colliding with Kutner, who hadn't had enough time to jump out of the way.

"Ouch," Kutner said, his hand going to the newly formed bump on his forehead. "Why is you head so hard?"

"I was about to ask you the same question," Thirteen said, massaging her forehead.

Kutner sat down on the couch rubbing his temples.

"Are you okay?" Thirteen asked.

"I'm good," Kutner mumbled, slumping against the back of the couch. "You okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine," Thirteen said, looking worried.

"House will be here in," Kutner glanced at the clock. "Two minutes. We better go."

"Are you okay to walk?" Thirteen asked uncertainly.

"Yeah, let's just go," Kutner stood up and wobbled a little.

"Put your hand on my shoulder for support," Thirteen instructed, standing up as well.

Kutner did as she told him, and they made their way slowly back to House's office.

Luckily, House seemed to be running late, as did Taub, probably due to the fact that he had been up most of the night and was trying to get as much sleep as possible, but the jacket hanging over one of the chairs showed that Foreman had come and gone.

Kutner took a seat at the table.

"Are you okay now?" Thirteen asked, going over to the coffee machine.

"Yeah," Kutner answered.

"Looks like Foreman made coffee," Thirteen said surprised as she began to make her own coffee.

"He probably just got here first and didn't want to wait for it," Kutner said, getting up and joining Thirteen at the coffee machine.

Kutner sat back down at the table, and Thirteen took the chair across from him with her own coffee soon after.

They sat silently drinking coffee, and Kutner realized, even if they weren't talking, even if they weren't even looking at each other, that sitting in that conference room with Thirteen was where he wanted to be.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6: _And all I can breathe is your life_

"Go search the patient's home again," House had commanded. "Taub, Foreman, since you didn't such a horrible job last time, I'm sending Kutner and Thirteen."

So there they were, sitting in Kutner's car in front of the neat little suburban house.

Taub and Foreman had told them they'd found the back door unlocked, so Kutner and Thirteen had agreed to try that first. If that didn't work, they would use the garbage cans to climb onto the roof of the glassed in porch and try to go in though a window.

Luckily, the back door was open.

They had just finished the bathrooms and were moving to the kitchen when they heard it. The garage door was opening.

A million ideas for hiding places raced through Kutner's head at that moment. The shower? No, they'd probably come home to take a shower. The pantry? No, they probably wanted to eat while they were here. One of the closets? No, they probably wanted to get changed, too, and Kutner had no way of knowing which person belonged to each closet.

"This way," Thirteen whispered loudly, grabbing Kutner's wrist and dragging him back down the hall toward the bedrooms. There was a narrow door there that Kutner hadn't even notice before. Thirteen pulled it open, pushed Kutner in, squeezed herself in, and pulled the door closed.

There was just enough room that one person could have stood there comfortably, but Kutner and Thirteen were pressed up against each other. The door almost hadn't even closed. Kutner was crammed between the water heater and Thirteen. He thought he probably could have lifted his feet of the ground and he wouldn't have fallen. The cell phone in her back pocket was pressing into his leg painfully.

He had been breathing heavily, due to the traumatic experience of almost getting caught and probably arrested. He tried to calm his breathing so it wouldn't be heard.

They heard people walk past their little closet multiple times. Each time Kutner held his breath, and he could feel Thirteen doing the same.

Then they heard a door slam shut.

"That sounded like a metal door, the garage door or on of the outside ones. Do you think they're leaving?" Kutner breathed.

Thirteen turned her head, with difficulty because it was wedged between the door and his shoulder, to look at him. For a second their eyes met and for that second, nothing else in the world mattered to Kutner. For a second they just stood there, staring into each other's eyes.

They heard the garage door open.

"I think they are leaving," Thirteen said quietly, pulling herself out of the trance.

"Right," Kutner muttered, mentally shaking his head to clear it.

Thirteen opened the door and nearly fell out of the closet; they had been shut in there so tightly.

Kutner grabbed her arms to steady her.

"Thanks," Thirteen muttered, heading back to the kitchen.

Kutner followed her, rubbing his leg and wondering if he would have a cell phone-shaped bruise.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7: _'Cause sooner or later it's over_

Kutner left the conference room right behind Foreman and Taub that evening, just like usual. Today they were arguing about gas prices. Despite being scary alike, they argued a lot, Kutner thought.

But no, that wasn't entirely true. Foreman and Taub weren't that much alike, especially when it came to House. If Taub didn't agree with House, he'd go behind his back and do something else. If Foreman didn't agree, he'd tell House to his face. If anything, Thirteen was the most similar to Foreman.

As for Kutner, he didn't know what he'd do if he disagreed with House. He'd never had that problem.

Kutner couldn't help but notice that Thirteen was leaving behind him again. That meant whatever she'd been doing the day Amber died was just a one-time thing.

It was still bothering Kutner. Whatever Thirteen was doing had obviously bothered her. He tried to push it out of his head. It was none of his business.

He had to admit, he was almost sad to be leaving. He told himself that it was just because he wasn't used to it anymore. In the past week he'd only had one night of sleep. He didn't really know why he didn't want to leave. That was just what he was telling himself.

Ahead of him, Foreman stopped at his car, which was closer to the hospital than the rest of theirs because he'd been around longer. Taub slowed and turned so he was walking backwards, so as to finish what he was saying to Foreman. Then he turned back facing forward again.

Taub reached is car and didn't waste time climbing in and speeding off, muttering something about being "late to the dinner party" when Kutner asked him what the rush was.

Kutner pulled his keys out of his jacket pocket, dropping them in he process. When he stood up, Thirteen was on the other side of his car, standing at her car.

"You have any plans tonight?" Kutner asked casually.

"Not really," Thirteen answered, looking over his car at him. "You?"

"Superman's on cable," Kutner replied. "Well, at least get some sleep. You haven't had much in the past week or so, have you?"

"Not a whole not, no," Thirteen sighed. "But that's the job. If I had a problem being here all night I wouldn't have taken it."

"Poor Taub though," Kutner said, looking to where Taub's car had been. "With a wife at home and everything."

Thirteen nodded.

"This is when it comes in handy to have no personal life," she said. Then she climbed quickly into her car and drove off, as if she'd let something slip.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8: _I just don't want to miss you tonight_

Kutner sat on his couch, the case file spread in front of him. He was flipping through the papers over and over again. He couldn't seem to find the data from the patient's blood test.

"Crap," Kutner muttered.

He guessed House, Foreman, Taub, and Thirteen probably had the results in their copies of the file, but it was one in the morning. He sighed. He needed those results. He would have to get them from somebody. That meant waking someone up.

He thought about who was the least likely to yell at him. He wouldn't have called House at home for a million dollars, even if it wasn't the middle of the night. Kutner didn't know how Taub's wife would react to Taub receiving work-related calls after midnight. So it was Foreman or Thirteen. Foreman would want to know why he needed the results and he would use his unofficial authority over Kutner to find out. He would probably tell him his theory was wrong, because Foreman still thought the problem was neurological, and refuse to give him the results.

Kutner took a deep breath, picked up the phone, dialed Thirteen's number, and hoped for the best.

"Hello?" the voice on the other end of the line said.

"Thirteen?" Kutner asked.

"Kutner," Thirteen said. "If you wanted me to get some sleep, why are you calling me in the middle of the night?"

"Sorry," Kutner said, hastily. "Do you have the results of the blood test?"

"Blood test?" Thirteen said, her voice suddenly more alert.

"Yeah, the patient's blood test," Kutner replied, the sharpness of her voice taking him by surprise.

"Oh," she said. "The patient's…yeah, I think it's around here somewhere. Why?"

"What did you think I was talking about?" Kutner asked, suspiciously.

"Nothing," Thirteen waved his question off. "Why do you need the blood test?"

"Just testing a theory," Kutner answered. "You obviously thought I was talking about something else. What blood test did you take?"

"Listen," Thirteen said. "I'm really tired. I haven't slept properly in over a week. I found the blood test. What do you want me to do with it?"

"Read it to me," Kutner told her. "Come on, just tell me what blood test you took. You don't have to tell me what the results were."

"If you don't stop asking about it, I'm not reading this too you," Thirteen said.

"Okay," Kutner sighed.

Kutner knew that he wasn't going to get anything out of her tonight, especially when she held the trump card, the ability to hang up the phone, but she'd never told him she hadn't taken a blood test.

Kutner didn't have a prayer with Thirteen. He knew that. That was why no one would ever know how he felt about her. They were friends, and Kutner wasn't going to risk screwing that up to tell her. He wished she liked him back, but as long as she didn't, he was content with just being friends.


	9. Chapter 9

Part 2

Chapter 9: _And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming_

Thirteen pulled in the parking lot early that morning.

She could have shot Kutner. She was sleeping well until his call had woken her up. After that she couldn't get back to sleep.

She knew it wasn't entirely his fault. House had told them to go home and look at the file and not sleep until they had the diagnosis, and House had been a lot more irritable since Amber died, but Kutner was probably the only one that had done what he said. That was Kutner.

The past week and only been hard on House. Of course Wilson had had a hard time, and Cuddy was checking in on them a lot more often, though Thirteen suspected it was just to see House. Taub had been doing his best to get home on time, even though with House, that almost never happened. She didn't know how it affected Kutner.

She'd spent most of the past week feeling like she was on the verge of tears, but she knew she wasn't. She hadn't cried since she was six. Still, she felt like she was about to cry. She'd even surrendered and tried to let the tears come once or twice, but they wouldn't. She hated the feeling. She needed to cry, or at least to be able to fight crying.

She shook her head. She shouldn't feel this way. She'd hardened herself to feeling this way.

A car pulled into the spot next to her, Kutner's spot. It wasn't that Thirteen didn't like Kutner, because she did, but Kutner had found out she'd taken a blood test. He didn't know what kind yet.

The worst part was it was her fault he knew. She overreacted when he'd said something. She'd have to watched that. It was the third thing she'd let slip to him. She didn't know why, but for some reason, she had trouble keeping secrets from him.

There was no use not waiting for him. He'd be right behind her, anyway.

"You still didn't get any sleep?" Kutner asked, seeing her eyes.

"I was sleeping until you called me," she said resentfully.

"Sorry," Kutner looked at the ground.

They were silent for a moment as they walked. Thirteen didn't mind. She felt the company comforting. It didn't matter that they weren't talking, because she knew there was no way Kutner could understand her situation anyway.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10: _Or the moment of truth in your lies_

They were sitting in the MRI room again, and Kutner was talking. Usually, Thirteen listened, but right now she wasn't. It wasn't that she didn't care. She did. She just had other, more pressing, issues on her mind.

Kutner paused and she realized he'd asked her a question.

"What?" she asked. "Sorry. You know I haven't slept in a while."

"Did your dad watch a lot of sports?" Kutner asked.

Thirteen couldn't imagine what the rest of the conversation had been. She assumed it had led up to that topic. She assumed this wasn't just a random question.

She thought then about the answer, if it would give anything away if she answered honestly. She'd been thinking twice about everything she told him lately, because she seemed to be having trouble keeping information from him.

"Does he watch a lot of sports," Thirteen corrected. "He's still alive. And no, not that I can remember."

"You told me both your parents were dead," Kutner said after a minute.

Thirteen furrowed her eyebrows in thought. She didn't know why she would have lied about that. What's more, she didn't remember telling anyone that.

"When?" Thirteen asked.

"Remember? Searching the patient's house that one time before Christmas?" Kutner answered.

"No," Thirteen replied. "Sorry, I don't know why I would have said that."

There must have been a reason, Thirteen thought. She probably didn't remember it right now because of the strange impact Kutner's presence seemed to be having on her lately. She would remember it later.

"Do you lie a lot?" Kutner asked.

"No," Thirteen answered.

"Good, because you don't seem like you're very good at it," Kutner answered. "I mean, you've got the basic lying down. You just can't keep it up. So what about you're mom?"

"My mom's dead," Thirteen answered quickly. "I'm not lying."

Then she mentally kicked herself, because she shouldn't have told him that. She pressed her mouth shut and vowed not to say anything else to him the rest of the time they were here.

Kutner noticed her face.

"It's okay. I won't tell anyone," he said.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11: _When everything feels like the movies_

Thirteen stood in the elevator at the end of the day. She was relieved when the doors closed and no one had gotten in with her. She leaned because against the wall and closed her eyes.

If anyone else had been there she wouldn't have dared, even someone who knew she hadn't had much sleep in over a week, like Kutner, though she had to admit, if she could chose anyone to be watching her, it would be Kutner. This was a sign of weakness.

The elevator stopped. She opened her eyes. This wasn't her stop. It was too soon to be her stop.

The doors slide open and Kutner got in. Thirteen hurried to stand up straight.

"No," Kutner said. "By all means, rest. You need it."

Thirteen knew he'd already seen, so she went ahead and leaned back against the side of the elevator. She didn't know why she was letting him see her like this, with her guard down. He would know how weak she was, assuming he hadn't already seen through her.

The elevator stopped and she and Kutner got out and walked through the lobby.

"I'll try not to call you tonight," Kutner said, smiling.

"Please don't," Thirteen begged. "I'm about to fall asleep on my feet."

"You're leaving early," Kutner said.

"Not any earlier than you are," Thirteen pointed out.

"But I always leave at this time," Kutner explained. "You're usually behind me."

"I was in a hurry to get home," Thirteen answered. "Take a nap."

Kutner nodded.

"Well, see you tomorrow," Kutner said when they reached their cars.

"Yeah," Thirteen nodded back.

Thirteen felt like she was in a movie. A young woman dealing with a fatal disease, a young healthy man, already friends, all they had to do now was fall in love. It would be a fairytale ending, except that she was still dying.

She sat in her car and watched Kutner drive off.

Yes, she would admit it, but only to herself. She was lonely, but she wasn't going to put anyone through the pain of watching her die. It was bad enough that she was close enough to people that she could consider them friends. She'd tried to distance herself as much as possible. Clearly it hadn't worked.

Or maybe it had. Foreman and Taub didn't seem to care very much about her. She'd succeeded there. Really, the only person was Kutner. She felt bad for what he would have to go through if they were still friends by then. That's why she could never be in a serious relationship, especially one that didn't fail miserably.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12: _Yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive_

After her first full night's sleep in a week and a half, Thirteen returned to the hospital.

She was about to pull her hair out trying to remember a dream she'd had. It seemed like it was on the very edge of her mind, just beyond reach.

She remembered it had been very surreal. So much so that when she'd woken up in the morning, she'd vaguely wondered it she was still dreaming, until she cut herself with a knife slicing a grapefruit due to the fact that she was paying absolutely no attention to what she was doing. It had taken her several minutes to stop the bleeding. That's how she knew she was awake. She never bled in dreams. It was odd, she knew, but it was true. She'd trained herself to remember her dreams as a child, and she couldn't remember bleeding once.

That was why this was so frustrating. She had been able to remember what she'd dreamed about every morning for the past, probably at least, ten years this morning, nothing.

"Hey, Thirteen," Kutner said, getting out of his car.

Kutner had been in the dream, she suddenly remembered.

Thirteen nodded to him.

"What happened to your arm?" Kutner asked.

"Oh," Thirteen said, looking down at her wrist. "I cut it."

"I can see that," Kutner said. "I mean, how did you cut it? You didn't do it on purpose, did you?"

"Of course not," Thirteen assured him.

"I'll take your word for it," Kutner said. "You're a sucky liar," he added when she looked at him questioningly.

Their eyes met again, like they had that day in the closet of the patient's house. Kutner wrenched his eyes out of the lock. Thirteen did the same.

They got in the elevator.

Thirteen struggled to remember the dream the entire walk to House's office. She didn't know why she would have dreamt of Kutner. She knew now that none of her other colleagues had been in the dream. It must have been because she and Kutner had been spending so much time together the past week and a half.

She took the seat next to Kutner. He looked over at her, surprised. She realized then that she usually sat across from Kutner. She couldn't imagine why she would have sat next to him today. She passed it off again as them spending a lot of time together at work.

As if reading her mind, Kutner asked "Why do you think always assigns us to do things together?"

Thirteen shrugged, still thinking. They'd both slept in the doctors' lounge with Kutner on the couch across from her. She still couldn't believe she'd done that. If she hadn't been so tired she wouldn't have. They'd searched the patients' house together.

Kutner tapped his fingers on the table and glanced at the door. Thirteen watched him for a minute before realizing she'd been staring.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13: _And I don't want the world to see me_

"Why do you lie?"

Thirteen had never been asked that question before, and really, she had no idea how to answer.

Thirteen had never supposed Kutner the type to ask her questions she couldn't answer, but then, she never supposed him the type to be able to extricate information from her without even trying, either.

She finally decided on "Because it's none of people's business."

"What's not?" Kutner asked.

"Anything," Thirteen answered shortly.

Truth be told, Thirteen didn't really know what cause her to be so secretive. She'd told herself it was the fear of other doctors pulling her medical history and finding out about her mother, but she wasn't sure if that was true anymore. They were going to find out soon enough, and she was still keeping secrets.

"Does the blood test you took have anything to do with how your mom died?" Kutner asked suddenly.

Thirteen's eyes grew wide. He couldn't have pulled her medical history. He didn't even know her name. No, that wasn't entirely true. He knew her last name. She didn't know if that was enough. She had know idea how many Hadleys there were in New Jersey, Kutner might have been able to guess her year of birth and go off that, though.

"Why?" she asked, struggling to sound casual.

"Just wondering?" Kutner shrugged, not looking at her.

Thirteen was silent.

"It is," Kutner concluded.

"What?" Thirteen asked quickly. "What makes you say that?"

"First," Kutner began, finally looking at her. "Your reaction just now. Second, if it wasn't, you would have told me. So it must be something genetic, right?"

"Right," Thirteen sighed, resigning herself to the fact that Kutner had already figured that much out."

"Why do you always hold everything so tight to your chest?" Kutner asked.

"Because it's none of your business," Thirteen answered.

"That doesn't mean I don't care," Kutner's attention was focused back on the samples they were testing.

"It means you shouldn't care," Thirteen replied.

"Clearly something's wrong," Kutner turned to her once again and Thirteen saw nothing but worry in his eyes. His motives were pure. "I'm concerned. Whatever you tested yourself for came back positive, and whatever 'something' is, it's serious because it killed your mom."

Thirteen sighed and looked away. Kutner was hitting a little to close to home, and it was her fault he knew there was a problem.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14: _'Cause I don't think that they'd understand_

Thirteen sat at home, the file in front of her. House had given them orders again, and Thirteen had decided that Kutner shouldn't be the only one to follow them this time.

The thing was that Thirteen was having trouble concentrating. Part of her actually wanted to tell Kutner. She knew there was no way she was going to do it, but part of her wanted someone to confide in.

Thirteen mentally kicked herself. She didn't need anyone. She could handle it. She would handle it, on her own.

The problem was that Thirteen thought something was happening, something she'd been guarding herself against since day one. She was falling in love.

She was past denying it. She'd been trying that for the past two weeks. It hadn't worked, but she still wasn't going to do anything about it. She was just going to try to ignore it.

Then the phone rang.

"Three guesses who it is," Thirteen muttered to herself as she picked up the phone.

"I'm missing the copies of the MRI this time," Kutner said.

Thirteen shuffled through everything that was spread out on her table, half wondering if Kutner was really missing the copies or if he was just looking for an excuse to call her.

Thirteen shook her head. Just because she liked him didn't mean he liked her, and it didn't matter anyway. She couldn't be in a relationship. It was bad enough she had friends.

"Oh, you know what," Thirteen said after a minute of looking. "I can't find mine either."

Kutner sighed on the other end.

"I'd call Taub or Foreman," Kutner said. "But…"

"Yeah, I understand," Thirteen replied.

"You up working?" Kutner asked.

"Yeah, can't sleep," Thirteen explained.

"Again?" Kutner asked.

"Well, I have a lot on my mind," Thirteen said, realizing halfway through the sentence that it was probably a mistake to tell him that."

"Oh," Kutner said, knowingly. "Why can't you tell me what it is?"

"You wouldn't understand," Thirteen sighed. "See you tomorrow."

"Yeah," Kutner said.

Thirteen hung up the phone and set it down next to her on the table. She was really tired and also very confused.

She had thought she was doing the right thing distancing herself from others to protect them, but now she wasn't sure. She still didn't want anyone to go through what she knew they would. It was complicated.


	15. Chapter 15

I'm so sorry for the wait. My computer had to be repaired. Anyway, this is the second to last chapter. Please review.

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Chapter 15: _When everything's made to be broken_

Thirteen put her head in her hands.

She was sitting in her car trying to start it, and it wasn't working.

She'd been there for fifteen minutes now. She wasn't going anywhere. She was going to have to walk. Her car hadn't broken down far from the hospital, maybe two miles or so. She would be a little late, but it would be okay.

She made her way along the road for several minutes. She was in good shape, so it wasn't hard. It would mostly just be boring, but it would give her time to think.

She'd decided that she'd been right all along. She would have to do without company. She knew what it was like to watch someone die. It wasn't something she'd wish on anyone.

After a few moments of walking a car pulled up alongside Thirteen. She rolled her eyes and ignored it, assuming it was just teenage boys.

"Thirteen," a voice called. "Need a ride?"

Thirteen had only been in Kutner's car when going to patients' houses and back, so it was weird not to be discussing either plans of how to break in, or the items they did or didn't find.

They rode in silence for a minute.

"Did your car break down or something?" Kutner asked.

"What?" Thirteen asked distractedly. "Oh, yeah."

Silence again.

"Tension, party of two," Kutner muttered under his breath.

"What?" Thirteen asked.

"Oh," Kutner said. "Nothing."

"No, what did you say?" Thirteen persisted.

"Just tension," Kutner said. "You know, because it's tense."

"What happened to us?" Thirteen asked. "We used to be able to at least talk to each other."

Kutner shrugged.

"People change I guess," he finally replied. "Relationships change."

Thirteen stiffened at the word 'relationship.' Kutner noticed.

"What?" he asked.

Thirteen closed her eyes and shook her head.

"Come on, I told you what I said," Kutner pointed out.

"That word just makes me nervous," Thirteen sighed. "Because I can never have one."

Her eyes widened. She'd just told him one of the big ones, the second biggest, in fact.

"Why?" Kutner asked.

"Someone would get hurt," Thirteen answered simply.

"Hearts are meant to be broken," Kutner replied.


	16. Chapter 16

Last chapter *tear* Enjoy, and please comment

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Chapter 16: _I just want you to know who I am_

Thirteen sat in the lab, her back to the door.

It had been exactly a month since Amber died and ten days since Thirteen had let slip to Kutner that she couldn't have a relationship.

Neither of them had ever mentioned that discussion afterwards. There relationship hadn't been the same though. It had been different for maybe, two weeks, and now they both knew why.

Thirteen pulled a crumpled piece of paper out of her pocket and smoothed it out on the cold table.

If you didn't look directly at it the black lines all ran together, but the red one stuck out. It was one red line right in the center of the page.

It was ten o'clock. This time exactly a month ago, Thirteen's life had been flipped completely upside down. Everything she'd been afraid of had been confirmed. Now, despite herself, she was healing.

The door opened behind her and someone entered the lab. She could tell by the sound of sneakers who it was.

She could feel the person right behind her, reading over her shoulder. She didn't care. At least this way she hadn't told him, but she had still allowed him to know.

She could tell when he'd reach the red line because his steady quiet breathing suddenly stopped.

They stayed frozen like that for a few minutes. Thirteen didn't know how long.

Then there was a hand on her shoulder.

"Thirteen, I…" Kutner began as his hand, still on her shoulder, fidgeted nervously.

Kutner seemed anxious. She just threw her arms around his neck and buried her face in his shoulder before he could finish his sentence. They both knew that she knew what he was about to say.

She knew she couldn't or wouldn't cry, but that wasn't really the point. She just needed someone to support her, just for a minute.

She finally backed away, shaking her head.

"I can't do this to you," Thirteen said, and they both knew what she was talking about.

"Yes, you can," Kutner assured her.

"No, I know what it's like," Thirteen said.

"And I don't?" Kutner asked.

"We didn't experience the same thing," Thirteen explained. "Your parents were gone in an instant. I watched my mother die for years. I'm not going to ask you to do the same."

"You don't have to," Kutner said wrapping her in his arms once more. "Hearts were meant to be broken, remember."

"You have no idea what you're in for," Thirteen told him.

"I wouldn't do it for anyone else," Kutner replied.


End file.
